If You Eat Like A Bird….

 

Birds are interesting creatures…… They can fly whenever they want without dealing with security… body scans or baggage claim…. They don’t have to even have a destination in mind… They just kind of go for it….

Another thing birds are great at is singing… Even ravens (which make some weird ass noises) are fun to listen to…. I have tons of birds that live on my property and they serenade me when I’m having coffee in the morning….and when I’m watering my plants in the evening…..

Of all the great things birds are know for…. I’d have to say their greatest talents is eating… Birds eat… and eat .. and eat….. Their appetite is insatiable…. This obviously has a lot to do with the amount of energy it takes to fly around to look for more food…. Take into account courting…mating…nest building…egg laying and baby bird rearing and feeding and you get some hungry little fuckers….

So the next time you hear a woman say to you…. “I eat like a bird”…..know this…..

 

 

A. If you’ve never seen her…. She’s fat……..

B. If she’s not fat and eats like a bird… sooner than later she’s going to be…. you guessed it….F.A.T. …….

 

Think about it………

Birds eat a lot but they use all of their energy doing the things I’ve already mentioned…. People that eat a lot usually don’t burn half of the calories they take in….therefore… they get fat…. Hell….people don’t even take the time to hunt…. or even cook for that matter… They eat shit that’s convenient and processed to high hell….. Then they sit on their asses until they think they’re hungry again….

I know I mentioned women… but that’s only because you will never hear a man say “I eat like a bird….” However….a woman would say something like that… only to have it repeated by another woman…. who…. in turn…. repeats it until even more women say it …. making them all sound like a flock of wild birds …repeating the same damn thing over and over…..”I EAT LIKE A BIRD”….

If a woman ever says this to you…. Kindly remind her that… though she may have seen a bird in real life… she obviously didn’t take the time to watch that bird …. If she did… she would have seen that the bird ate and flew and flew and ate…… because birds eat a metric fuck ton of whatever it is they eat…….

If she is really skinny and claims to eat like a bird…. but only has a grain or two of rice at dinnertime…. explain to her that I eat like a snake may be more accurate… They don’t need to eat very much …very often…. because they don’t use much energy… They have mastered the art of portion control to fit their metabolic needs….. Maybe the Snake Observation Diet will be the next dieting craze…. After all …snakes are thin…….

 

 

 

 

 

 

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